Dry Mouth, Working out, a Traveling boyfriend & Skype

Due to my RAI-131 Treatment I now have dry mouth all day everyday. It's the absolute worst thing in the world. I wake up every morning gasping for air and sleep with a water bottle. I am not sure how I make it through the nights some times. I have the same routine everyday. Take my synthroid, rinse my mouth with biotene mouth wash and I have prediction tooth paste. I have to wait 45mins after I take my synthroid and 30mins after I brush my teeth to eat. Needless to say I am sure shedding the lbs. Then the rest of the day I'm sucking on sour candies to keep my mouth wet. Such a fun thing to experience.

I have been back into my workout routine. For once I am not dreading going to the gym. Main reason is because I am actually seeing results. Before I found out I was sick I dreaded going to the gym. Never felt good afterwards and no matter how much I worked out or how well I ate I was stillll gaining weight. I even ran a half marathon and the only thing I got outta that was pain. So anyways, I've been running a few miles everyday back to a normal life again. It's honestly the best feeling in the world. Even better when you step on the scale and you're dropping pounds and your body is actually showing that you've been working out. I can't wait to sign up for some road races again. Maybe even another half.

Kev's job requires him to travel to the client. He was lucky when he first started his commute was only 45mins away. Now he is traveling to Chicago every couple of weeks. He leaves on Monday and returns on Thursday night. My new favorite day of the week is Thursday. Thankfully we've been apart several times for long periods of time. So this long distance, Skype relationship is nothing new to us. The good thing of him traveling is that it forced me to go to the gym everyday and I am knocking tons of things off my to do list. I get restless and then lonely when I'm not busy doing something.

Skype and FaceTime are my favorite things in the world. Why you ask? Well it was great when at the beginning of my relationship with Kev because I would barely see him. It's always great to hear someone's voice but its even better when you can see their face too. So now that he's on the road I can still see his handsome face while talking to him. But recently my little sister Jenna whom lives several hours away and I don't see that often has been Skyping or borrowing Maria's iPhone to FaceTime me. It is the highlight of my day when I receive my daily phone call from her. She Skyped me once and it was the greatest thing to see all my sisters lovely faces. So I bought her a webcam mailed it home and set her up with a Skype account. We're still working on getting the webcam set up correctly but hopefully someone can help the little munchkin get it working. She FaceTimed me last night. I got to see a ton of my siblings and even meet my little nephew via webcam. It was great, makes me wish I could shell out the money to just buy Jenna an iPhone so that I can always talk and FaceTime with her to see everyone more often. I think I'll start saving my pennies for her.

Skyping with my sisters Jenna, Theresa & Anna-Marie

A little FaceTime action with Jenna & Theresa. 

Thyroidectomy & Lymph Node Dissection

Pre-op testing was scheduled for November 2nd. It was a long day of several test and checking my health for surgery.

So many test exams etc. the biggest one was the ultrasound. I didn't have one done at Sloan Kettering and they are very picky and like to have their own test. There's a good reason for that. The other funny thing ill always remember from this was when the nurse practitioner came in said well are you a female or a male? Your paperwork is showing male. I said well I was born a female haven't had a sex change. Female it is. That was a big laugh.

I treated myself to a pedicure before my surgery in support of Thyroid Cancer colors of course.

One if my symptoms of this all was a racing heart. I felt like I was always running a marathon. I was put on medication to slow my heart down for surgery. Two days before the surgery I got a phone call from Dr Wong. He said Alyssa things may change a little bit. We found three suspicious lymph nodes in your neck. We're gonna have to do a lymph node dissection on top of your thyroidectomy. This may change things or it may not. It all depends on how things look on the inside when I open you up. I said change things as in? He said your stay could go from overnight to a couple of days because you may need a drain. We cannot discharge you with a drain in.

Instant panic. My heart sank. This was on a Monday morning all before arriving to work. I said welp there's nothing I can change. I tried to stay positive and not let it get to me. November 7th rolled around and we got a couple inches of snow. All I wanted was a good meal before midnight the cut off time for eating and drinking. Well it was snowing so hard Kev and I could not get out of his driveway with his car. We hopped in the truck and went to the local diner. Thank god they have good food because there wasn't much open.

The 8th is here. Even more snow. Fastest I've gotten out the door. Couldn't put anything on or eat so I didn't have a choice. Throw everything in the car, attempt to get out of the awful driveway and we get nowhere. So I get out and start shoveling a path for the car so we can get out. Finally Kev and I shovel the driveway faster than ever and we were off. We arrived at the hospital. It was a very fast process. Check in sign your waivers etc. then your in the OR prep. Questions getting in those fugly hospital gowns and most of it was a blur. I was an internal nervous wreck. I didn't want to show that I was so scared to be going under. Then it was time. Time to say goodbye to Kevin and start the trek to the OR room. Kev walked with me as much as he could then we had our final hug kiss and goodbye. I bawled. Just broke down. The walk to the OR felt like it was a mile way after that point.

Finally we're in the OR room and there were so many people. I was overwhelmed my nerves were through the roof. I meet everyone and the get me up on the extremely narrow operating table. I am still raving about the heated blanket they have me. I fell in love with it. I still didn't have my IV in at this point. I was laying down they were poking around trying to get my IV in because they could tell I just couldn't take it anymore. They kept saying you're gonna get the good stuff soon. Well as soon as the needle entered my hand I was out.

I woke up with the driest most painful feeling I've yet experienced. I had an oxygen mask on and was obviously half there. A nurse came over said I could take it off but that I needed some rest so I should go back to sleep. Dr Wong came in to see me to tell me I did great. He said don't hate me the scar is bigger than expected was suppose to be 1-2 it's more like 3-4. I smiled and said its okay. He said I had a drain and that I'll have to stay here for a few nights until the drain is completely dry. I shook my head and he said he spoke with Kevin and he has all the surgery details. He said he'd come visit me tomorrow.

A doze off but not sure for how long. The nurse said that my spouse could come in if I was feeling up for it. I said oh yes. She said okay We'll call him in. Literally heard a stampede coming down the hall. Around the curtain is my night and shining armor boyfriend Kevin. I was so happy to see him. He said Alyssa I couldn't tell you what I moaned out because I honestly don't remember it too much. All I remember was his face and entire body just relaxing with a sigh of relief. He didn't say why he just hugged, kissed me have me my chap stick kept wetting my lips and holding my hand. Couple minutes passed he said do you want to know what Dr Wong said? (Kev sat down with Dr Wong to discuss how my surgery went as soon as he was done) Kev of course knowing me so well knows I would want up know this information. There was some nervousness in his voice.

He started with well he said things went very well. But they took out eleven lymph nodes and there was cancer stuck to your right vocal cord. He had to peel it off from your vocal cord and he damaged it. You may not be able to talk normal again. BUT he said there's hope and time. If not there is a procedure that he can do that can also help fix it, but that's a long term thing. He said the lymph nodes were cancerous so he took out as many suspicious lymph nodes that he saw so that there would be an speculation for later down the road. I don't remember what my response was. All I remember was him having to leave his visiting time was up. I needed to rest some to go upstairs to my room.

I woke up in my room. Kev was there. The nurses took my vitals and introduced themselves. At this point it was like 6pm Kev was sitting in the hospital all day. He was staying two blocks over at his friends gf's apartment. He went over to her house dropped his things off and came back. I said I had one request and then he could go rest for the evening. I wanted a chocolate milk shake. I was so happy to get one. It felt so good on my sore throat. He then went off to dinner and well deserved drinks with Mike & Erin. Off to bed I thought I was going. Not too long after a nurse came in to check my vitals on my left arm. I woke up not screaming because I couldn't. But I ripped off the blood pressure thing. It hurt so bad I cried. My IV was literally swelling in my hand. (forgot to mention earlier I asked to have it taken out because it hurt too much) they said no you have to wait until 11pm. I believe it was 6pm when I asked. So anyways. The nurse was all what are you doing I said ever so quietly my hand is so painful. Please take it from my other arm. So she proceeded to do so. 11pm rolls around it was like the gods came. I was so to have that damn IV out of my hand and stabbed into a fatter part of my body. Back to bed I attempted. Not too long after I had to go to the bathroom. I had strict instructions not to get up on my own. I obeyed and hit the call the nurse button. No one came. Hit it again no one came. Held it down until someone came. I couldn't talk so they thought I was doing it on accident. Instead of checking to actually see if I needed something they ignored me. I thought I was going to pee myself. I had the blood clot things on my legs so I couldn't freely move. I also could barely move my neck. Felt like my head was falling off, every time I moved.

Finally my lovely nurse Leigha came. She helped me and apologized up and down and said she would tell the front desk I can't talk so they knew. Ahhh finally off to bed I go. Nope, wronggg I couldn't get comfortable my head hurt so bad. My neighbor in my room had so many machines hooked up to her all they did was beep all night. If they weren't beeping she was moaning she was in pain. It was awful. Someway some how I fell asleep.

Woke up to my first dose of synthyroid for the rest of my life. I was also on a calcium regime because my calcium levels were very low. Went back to sleep. Woke up to my other fabulous nurse Megan. She reminded me of my good friend Sam. She walked in the room and instantly put you in a great mood. Ordered my breakfast and said chickadee you got to do a lap or two this morning. She knew I was in pain. She said to me your young you don't want to be here. Want to know the secret to getting out of here faster? I instantly perked up. She said you need to walk laps around the hall. It gets everything in your body moving and you'll start adjusting to all the changes from surgery. I said well one my neck is painful brutally painful and my body hurts. I felt like I got dropped down a flight of stairs when I woke up that morning. She said lets get you a pain med and you'll be feeling great in no time. So off we went five labs around the hall.

Some of the great gifts I got while in the hospital. I thought they needed to be added.

 The above picture you can see my drainage container to the left of my teddy bear (his name is Thunder.) The drain came out of my neck to the left of the bandage you can see on my neck. It was a royal pain to carry about and make sure I wasn't pinching or pulling it on my neck. I got the beautiful flowers & teddy  from my sisters Ally and her boyfriends Billy.

 New New York Giants attire from the lovely ladies at Brooke St Staffing. Thank you Lee, Alice, Lynne, Denise and Kathy.

My grandparents sent me these beautiful Lilly's. You can see my discomfort in this picture.

 My Sister Sandy sent me a care package. Love that she decorated the box and put princesses all over it. The magazines came in handy as well as all the hard candy.

My bff Tara sent me these beautiful flowers. They were so pretty and made the room smell oh so wonderful.

Kev arrived shortly after. I was trying to get some food down but I was struggling so of course I just pushed it away. As soon as he got in settled I insisted on getting outta that hospital funky gown. I needed all assistance as I had that drain coming out the right side of my neck. I got into my bright pink shirt and comfy VS sweatpants. Boy did that change my mood. I was so relaxed and more comfortable. I insisted on doing more laps and getting up moving around. We didn't spend much time in my room. I eventually asked to be unhooked from my IV because that was just annoying to cart around. I also failed to mention that this drain was a big plastic vacuuming sucking container that I had to safety pin to my clothes or carrying around with me everywhere I went. We spent some time in the craft room which had a nice outdoor patio. We stayed out there until I froze. It was so nice to get fresh air. The day flew by. I also had a visit from the volunteer group that brings in their dogs. I had a big poodle come in and visit me. That was pretty cool. She was adorable. Before I knew it visiting hours were over. I told Kev before he left I needed one thing, Headphones. So that I could peacefully sleep. I got my wish. We said our good nights. Megan came in to check in on me. I just couldn't get comfortable. She suggested I take two pain meds to help me and fall asleep. So I did. A few hours later my stomach didn't like it. I was puking my brains out. There wasn't much in my stomach but I assume it was all the fluids. Boy that was awful. Off to bed I finally went. Leigha came in to say hi and check in for her night shift. I told her my uncomfortableness, vomiting and that ill have my headphones in because I just can't take all the noise my roommate made. She said ok and and off to sleep I went. So peaceful. If I ever have to go to the hospital again headphones will always be with me. You never know when you'll need to tone out others.

I woke up bright and early to Dr Wong who came in to check in on me. He said that my drain looked good and he's gonna send me home. He said that's there's some important things I need to remember with my voice. At this point it was very raspy and hard for people to understand me. It was almost like I was outta breath trying to talk with a hoarse voice. I needed to one take it slow two start moving my neck not be so stiff and three my vocal cord is severely damaged and delicate. I shouldn't try to raise my voice or yell because I would make things worse. Dr Wong's resident came in to remove my drain. Let me tell you the pain that was. But my drain was out and things were good. I called in my breakfast because it would take awhile to be discharged. I met with the pharmacist who discussed meds and gave me prescriptions to fill. Megan came in and I told her my breakfast never came. She was like oh Nooo she called room service and said what the flip guys she's about to get discharged and didn't get her breakfast yet. Breakfast arrived and so did Kev. I was so happy to be getting out of the hospital and home.

I got home to so many more wonderful gifts from friends and family. Thank you everyone that sent me something and kept me in your thoughts during surgery and my recovery.

 Our friend Anthony and his girlfriend Kaci sent me these get well cake pops.

My coworkers all pitched in to get me this nice bag full of goodies.

The Rosafort's sent me these lovely roses.

At home things were struggling. My head felt like a hundred pounds. No matter which way I moved it felt like it was gonna fall off. Eating was a struggle as well. I had to have my head forward but down like my chin almost touching my chest in order to comfortably swallow any type of food. There was so much strain on my neck that is have to stop and rest my head backwards with a travel pillow. That travel pillow saved my life. Every time I wanted to move my head Kev would have to come pick it up and help me. I slept with five pillows under my head just to support it comfortably. Everything was so tricky because I had zero strength in my neck. I slowly gained movement back. I then lost my taste buds after a few days which was extremely frustrating. Here I was could barely get anything down and I couldn't even taste the soup yogurt etc I just stopped eating it was too much of a chore to do. My voice was the hardest thing to cope with. It was hard for others to understand me and when they couldn't I got frustrated because they'd just look at me like I was stupid. That really tested my patience. Oh and because I didn't have a ton of PTO, I decided my second day back home to start working. Why not, right? I'm so thankful I got to work from home made things easier on me as financially I wouldn't of been able to do it.

My number one supporter throughout everything.

Time for my post surgery follow up appointment. I visited with my surgery Dr Wong. He scoped me yet again to check out my vocal cords. The were indeed damaged and not responding very well. His encouragement again was to talk not yell and let's hope over time it'll get better. He also gave me the pathology reports from my surgery. I had 31 lymph nodes taken out 8 of them tested positive for cancer. I also had two different cancerous spots on the right of my thyroid. He also explained to me why my voice was as bad as it was. He said the cancer had grown so much onto my vocal cord that he did the best he could with out paralyzing it.
I asked him how the surgery went in general. He said well lets put it like this. I was shocked when I opened your neck. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I honestly thought I was removing your thyroid and that was it. He said you proved me wrong. He said that he now understands why I just didn't feel good at all. He just kept saying how proud he was of me and that things were going much better than he thought already with my recovery. He encouraged me to get back to the gym to do light cardio to get my fluids moving around because of all the lymph nodes taken out it could cause swelling.

Back to the gym I went. Nothing too crazy biking and walking. Things were progressively getting better over time. I did lots of neck exercises to prevent scar tissue build up and gain movement back. A round the middle of december was when my vocal cords started up a little bit. It was still weak but I was finally gaining my voice back by the day. Some days much better than others and there were times nothing came out at all. I was hopeful then. As the days went by the better it got. It was then time for my one month follow up. Blood test of course. Meeting my new Sloan Kettering Endocrinologist Dr Boucai. She discussed the pathology reports in depth with me. Talked about the RAI 131 treatment that I would need to do as the next step in fighting the cancer. Then I went to see Dr. Wong. He was shocked to hear me talk and see how far along my voice has come. He was so happy he hugged me. He also checked out my scar and said its the best one he's seen in a long time. Props to my silicone gel sheets that he recommended. He scoped me and checked out my vocal cords. Said they're still not 100% their about 60% and that I need to be really careful with them. He said he was 100% sure it'd come back all the way and that I wouldn't need to have any further surgery. He wanted me to come back in six months to have a Check up and that I'm good to go. So happy the appointment went soooo well.

There's nothing better than having a phenomenal Dr who cares about his work patients and how their overall health is. I cannot thank him enough for his talent and everything he's done for me.

My Eventful Night

Started out great. Talked to my little sister Jenna (favorite part of my day.) Got ready for the night, my way nice and slow. Hair, make up, perfected my outfit and even painted my nails.

Went to a friends house to hang for the night. I decide run to the mall really quick to get my necklace fixed that was all knotted. Driving pon the highway and all a sudden cop lights. AWESOME! Looking for my wallet don't have it. Greattttt Cop comes up to the window license and registration. Driving Kev's car don't know where his registration is. So I tell him sorry look I left it at home. He goes uhh do you have anything with your name it? Searching through my purse I find pain meds and my paperwork from my RAI treatment. Hand them to him. He's like that's it? I said yupp I left my wallet home. I'm sorry.

Comes back. Okay so here's your paperwork and registration. He said okay so here's the medicine. What's your sign? I said what? He goes you know sign? I was like I don't know what you're saying. He goes ya know Capricorn, Aries, Cancer? I said I honestly don't know. I don't read or follow that. He goes you're giving me no information. How do I know you're lying to me? You're not giving me your sisters information or something. I said well one they're all younger than me and two I would lie and do that I'm not stupid. Also who lies about having cancer and would have that persons paperwork regarding the treatment? No comment. So he hands me a speeding ticket says well of you're lying to me it's a felony. If not and you have a clean driving record we can reduce this and I'll work with you.

So wonderful I have a high speeding ticket and hope when I show up to court he's I'm a better mood and reduces it. Fingers crossed until then. UGH I don't get a break.

My Cancer Story

As I'm sitting here in isolation at a good friends house I think about my long bizarre story. So I thought I'd share it with those that cared to read about it and haven't heard it.

In February of 2011 I moved from the North Country to where I reside now. Finally decided I could trust the Drs down here and made some appointments. Feeling off and awful for about five years and treating myself with ibuprofen and Gas-x. I decided it was at least worth a try because my symptoms were just get worse by the day. So found a Dr explained my disaster of a mess to her and she did her best to try to figure me out. The big question arose "have you ever been tested for Thyroid issues?"

The beautiful image of a Thyroid

Off to the labs for blood test I went. So thankful I don't have a fear of needles. Little did I know this wouldn't be my last poke. So I got a call a few days later. Your thyroid levels are off but you are on birth control and that does throw your levels off. So come in again for another blood test to see if we have a change. Two more blood test later my TSH levels were so high my Dr said you really need to go see and endocrinologist. She recommended one in the group but the Drs hours were so inconvenient 10-3.

I just started my first real big girl job as a temp-perm. It was so important to not take time off from work etc plus being I wasn't full time yet I didn't feel comfortable doing so. But I still needed to see an Endo. By this time came along I had lost the health insurance that I had at the time. Medicaid (because I was making "too much money") get that one. So this was in April.

Everything then got swept under the carpet because you can't get care if you don't have health insurance. Well you can.. You just have to pay outta pocket. Anyone that knows me, knows that is completely impossible. So I patently waiting until my company offered me a full time position. The day I found out I was offered a full time position my game face was back on. Made an appointment for the Endo who accepted the new health insurance I was going to have and then made sure I have the insurance info for the appointment upon my arrival.

I went to WestMed right down the road from work. Had great hours went on lunch break didn't have to worry about interfering with work and taking time off etc. So my first appointment of course I'm feeling awful. When I saw awful let me just list out the amazing daily symptoms I was experiencing. Bloating (like 6 months pregnant looking) migraines, hair loss, heart racing, shortness of breath, constant weight gain, hot cold flashes, ALWAYS tired and I'm sure there's more but you get the point. I was a healthy, working out 23 year old. This just doesn't make sense. I explained my bloat ness to the Dr and how extremely uncomfortable it was how I just can't bare the pain anymore. His first reply was are you sure you're not pregnant? I said no. He was like have you had a test? Yes, several. I said just because you see a female in her 20'a with stomach pain does not mean every single one is knocked up. I was so offended. On to the next. So he asks some more questions ask about family history. Well my paternal Grandfather had Thyroid cancer. He noted and said okay. I bright with me all my old blood test and he said to me "well your blood test show you are have a hyperactive thyroidism but what you are explaining to me is hypo thyroidism so I just feel you are not a case that can be treated with medicine" I was livid. I said wait so what you're telling me is my blood test are showing my numbers are off and you're saying there's nothing you're gonna do about it? I said there are other test you can run and do. So do them. I've had enough with the bullshit!

So he said I'd like my own blood test and I want you to get an exam of your thyroid called the uptake I-123. I scheduled the exam it had to be in the morning only so 8 am it was. The first morning was to swallow a radioactive iodine pill to work with the test. The second morning was a 45min exam of an extremely close up machine in my face taking tons of images of my thyroid. A week goes by no results. So I call. Leave a message for the Dr. After harassing the Drs office for about a week straight I FINALLY got a phone call. It went a little like this. So we found a hard cold nodule on your thyroid. It didn't light up with the exam and its 2.3cm. Did a little research on all of these things nkn I have scheduled an ultrasound for further investigation to get a better look at this. So off to the ultrasound I go. Ultrasounds usually don't take too long. Well I was in there for an hour and a half. The ultra sound tech send a long time on the right side where the nodule is. I tried to ask the tech but of course she couldn't answer any questions. I left there a mess I knew something wasn't good.

The Uptake I-123 exam

The ultrasound was at WestMed same Drs office. It shouldn't take too long for the Dr to get the results. Anxiously waiting the results of the test I called they said okay we'll leave a message for him. A few days go by. I call again. Nothing. I called the next day and demanded the Dr call me back before the end of the day. It was Labor Day weekend so I knew he'd probably be leaving early. I get a phone call back from the secretary saying oh he's left for the day blah blah blah. I said you had one job and that was to have him call me back with my test results before he left today. Call him on his cell phone and here's mine I would like to speak with him.

Ultrasound of the neck

6:00pm Friday Labor Day weekend I finally get the call. Hi it's Dr Weiser sorry I left for the day at 3pm blah blah blah. I said I don't care. What was the results if my test? He said well not good. It's confirm the nodule is not moving its hard cold and I need you to get a biopsy. I said okay. I can come in next week but I leave Thursday and come back Monday. He said oh well I left today for a 2 month vacation. I said okay so who else can I see in the office then in your absence? He said oh it can wait till I get back its not an emergency. That's when I flipped out. I said you just said you might have cancer but its not a big deal wait till I get back to find out? Are you fucking kidding me?!!!

Needless to say Tuesday morning I was in that office got all my test and paperwork and ran far away from there. I was leaving to go to beautiful Charleston SC. So I put off looking for a new Dr for a few days and I needed to kick back and relax. Didn't go without my gas-x or ibuprofen though.

Gorgeous Charleston, SC.

Returned from my beautiful vacation and asked everyone under the sun for a personal referral to a good Endo. I didn't want to deal with a crappy Endo again. Just too stressful as you can imagine. So a co-workers dad referred me to go to my fabulous Dr Chee Yeung Chan. I got in with him at the end of Sept. he looked at my paperwork said I don't even have to ask you how you're feeling. The test show that you shouldn't be feeling good at all. He spoke with me for a few minutes about what was going on etc he told me believes I've gone years with not being treated for hyperactive thyroid and that I also have Graves Disease, an autoimmune disorder in which the body produces antibodies to the receptor for the TSH. he explained synthyroid the importance of it with thyroid issues and how to treat Graves Disease. He also said we need to figure out what is going on with my nodule because that's another issue.

Oh and I didn't mention I was loosing my voice daily. I'd try not to talk one day try to talk less etc. Just think about when a little teenage boy is going through puberty, that's exactly what I sounded like. So embarrassing.

My biopsy was scheduled for October 2nd. I was so nervous about this. Think about it. I've had tons of needles poked in me at this point but I didn't have any poked in my neck yet. I was nervous and sick to my stomach for the pain and because of the biopsy itself. Kev of course came with me. It was a FNA biopsy, numbed the surface area and had to take three samples. Let me tell you it was a fast painful procedure and thank god it was. I didn't breathe during it. The procedure was over and off to work I went scarf, little mermaid ice packs and hiding in my cube. I was told I would get the results on the 4th. So by 4pm with no phone call I went into deep deep panic. I called the Drs office they said oh the results aren't in yet but I'll let Dr Chan know you called. Five minutes later I get a phone call its the Drs office. Alyssa we need you to come into the office ASAP we have an opening tomorrow at 2. I panicked. I said okay. But are the results in? I'm not coming in if they're not in. She said no but they will be we need to discuss them with you. My heart sank I didn't eat I couldn't function.

FNA Thyroid Biopsy

The next day at work same thing. Didn't eat sick to my stomach all day. Impatiently waiting to get on that train and get to my Drs appointment. At the Drs appointment they take Kev and I in immediately. They have three chairs set up around the computer in the patient room. I knew something wasn't good. I knew I wasn't going to hear what I wanted to but I didn't want to loose myself yet. He said well its been confirmed you have papillary carcinoma cancer. He went on to talk about what the next steps are, how it's not aggressive and that it's not like other cancers no chemo no radiation. It doesn't grow as fast as the aggressive cancers. I kept myself together until he asked me how I was doing. If I needed a second to take it all in and I lost my self. I looked at Kev and cried like a little baby. Thank god for Kev, his memory and all his other great qualities because after that everything was a blur I don't remember a single thing. Except getting into the car with Kev and us both in such shock we sat there for a few minutes bawling.

We had a lot to do. I had to find a surgeon I felt comfortable with aka interview surgeons as I called it. I had to be the bearer of bad news and share with everyone my test results. Nobody knew I was even going for test results because I didn't want to tell anyone due to the fact that what if it wasn't cancerous. No need to scare and share that with everyone. Let me tell you, it took a good week to tell everyone I thought I needed to tell. Such a long process.

I interviewed one surgeon he was very nice. I had him nose scope me because I had no voice at the time so I was concerned and scared. For those that do not know your thyroid wraps around your vocal cords. He said my vocal cords looked great. Took my notes and kept them in my handy dandy life saving note book and went on my way. I was told by friends parents and heard of Memorial Sloan Kettering. THE CANCER HOSPITAL. I looked into the type of surgeon I needed head & neck and did some research. I saw a Dr that stood out to me. He was a top 10% Dr at the hospital, he was certified in plastic surgery and he specialized in vocal cord paralysis. I also liked that he was still the head Physician in a ton of research and development projects that I found online. Oh the Internet it's a wonderful thing sometimes.

I had to call and make an appointment to see Dr Wong, this dream Dr I found. Of course the day I was trying to make the appointment I barely had a squeaky Mickey Mouse voice. The receptionist kept telling me my phone was breaking up and to call back later. I knew my phone wasn't breaking up so ever so frustrated I went to a good co workers desk and asked her to call for me. Finally she got me an appointment for October 24th.

We met Dr Wong's team of nurses who asked tons of questions. Then I got to meet Dr. Wong. He was just the nicest guy. He spoke about the procedure asked if I had any questions. Boy did I have questions. I drilled him with two pages front n back. Then it was time for another nose scope to check out the vocal cords. As he's getting ready he looks at my neck and said "OMG you have the most beautiful neck creases" instance reaction hold my neck. How gross. Neck creases usually means fat. He said "I can make your incision right in the bottom neck crease and it'll blend in so beautifully" I said oh that's great, because I forgot to mention I have three things I want from this surgery. 1-no scar 2- to feel better 3 I don't want to get fat. He died. Went back to checking my vocal cords out and said they responding working and look good on the inside. I just knew he was the one. We discussed a surgery date and there was a cancellation for November 8th in the morning and it was his first surgery. PERFECT. I jumped on it. When scheduling a surgery that's important. Earliest/first one is always best. That way you're not waiting around all day to go into surgery. It was four hours later Kev and I were just leaving the hospital. Exhausting long appointment. But that it's a committed team and Dr. Not just in and out hi bye. I felt so good leaving that appointment. I knew that I was in the best of hands and was very happy with my big decision. Biggest life decision yet.

I think because the pre-surgery story is so long I will make a new blog post for the surgery to current. So Its not a mile long blog post :)